“Not all who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien – though some of us sometimes are.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” – Dalai Lama
A story about a single girl in a quarter life crisis traveling across the country, searching for work, looking for love, and in the meanwhile enjoying every day as if it were my last!
This should have been the first story of the blog in June of 2016, the introduction to Adventures of Bulgarian Mermaid so to speak, instead it will be of the later ones I’ll publish. Back then when shit hit the fan, I didn’t have the courage or strength to share. I often wonder – do you need to lose everything to find self? And if you have already found self, why do you still need to lose everything? I didn’t need to undertake a self discovery journey, I was pretty damn set on what I loved: Surf, Snowboard, Travel Yet life gave me a donkey kick in the rear and I hope it was to show me that I was living VERY VERY FAR from my true potential. 😤
They say bad news come in sets of 3…Well, one Fri the 13th full moon last summer in a matter of hours life “triangulated” me and my world collapsed. #whenitrainsitpours 😢
- I got my heart shattered to pieces by a boy who doesn’t even know what he did. I will never forgive or forget. (Or maybe I can…says my older, wiser self now.) #karmaisabitch
- I lost my job in a series of major lay offs at my last company. It was unexpected, unfortunate, and extremely difficult to deal with. Losing my job eventually meant losing my home, as I couldn’t afford to pay rent without income. #sometimeslifesucks A LOT
- I got horribly sick, thinking I had a terminal illness that no doctor could figure out, ONLY to find out the symptoms were caused by the stress from the above two. Nothing was really wrong with my body (but it seemed as if I were dying), just my head and emotions were getting in the way yet again. #letschoptheheadoff
So that day when life vomited all over me, the anxiety caused a panic attack with heart palpitations and threw me laying down on my bedroom floor without being able to get up or even call for help… #thanksforfirstaidknowledge #wildernessmedicine I had to pick myself up, dust myself off, and take care of it all. #lifedoesntalwayscomeasplanned
There were friends I called and they helped tremendously but I have no family in the US, no loved ones to comfort me, give me $$$, or even offer me a roof over my head until I get back up on my feet. #needtolearnhowtoaskforhelp Yes, this is a sad story, even thought I often write only about the positive things in life. But it is also a story of passion, perseverance, adaptability, and GRIT! (In Part 2 I’ll tell you about all the serendipity, help, and luck I found on the way to recovery!) #itsnotalwayssunnyincalifornia 🌞 #grassisnotalwaysgreeneronmyside 🌄
First 3 months were the hardest in my life in a while. I didn’t even know where to start… So I took life one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, following my crazy dreams, and learning how to fly again. I turned to the things I love doing, the activities that bring me peace. Summer was around the corner and there was surfing to be done 🏄(floating meditation), mountains to be hiked 🏞 (inhale the outdoors), and beach yoga to be frequented 🏖 (breathe with the rhythm of the ocean waves). I also had my beachfront home for a couple more months to enjoy. And I traveled, as much as I could, as often as I could, as far as the roads would take me!🚙 Surf, Snowboard, Travel
I didn’t find peace quickly, my heart didn’t heal overnight, I didn’t get another job soon after, I didn’t date, truth is I was too broken… We all are sometimes. Some more than others. Some admit it, others don’t. Some work on it, others ignore it.
I want to finish on a positive note and share what the healing process has taught me so far. Maybe you find it useful too in a future crisis:
- Learn to ask for help!
- Try to express your emotions!
- Keep your integrity in the way you treat others even in your worst moments, especially THEN 😍
- Time heals, time allows you to forgive and forget, BUT you have give time time! ⏲
- 2 broken hearts 💔 don’t make one whole 💘. Mend yourself first before trying to find peace, solace, love, and approval in someone ELSE!
I wanted my story to have a happy ending so I waited for a very long time to write Part 1 – how I hit rock bottom. Find the “happy ending” in Part 2 – Mermaid Does Mountains (aka how I found my dream job traveling cross country, living out of my car, hiking National Parks, soaking in hot springs, and snowboarding my bum off) 🛣🚗